Some People Call Me The Bowls Cowboy!


Well, ok, nobody calls me that but at least they don’t call me Morris either!

What am I on about? Well children, I have taken up playing bowls (or old man bowls as the missus calls it!). I have vague recollections of watching old people play bowls on the lawns at my local park as a kid. The lawns are still there but I suspect they’re mostly used for dogging now. My most vivid memories are of nicking off school with a mate and hanging out at the bowls green where I went to school eating Scotch Eggs from Morrison’s.

Last year they had an open day at the local club for new members but I was too busy. This year, as part of the whole relocate anywhere but here project, we discussed moving back to Yorkshire where I could take up outdoor pursuits like bowls and cricket. Once we had decided against that I decided to try those things here. Why wait? I could die tomorrow!

So back to the local club, no open day until September but I was invited to just drop in and try out. There is no lawn. It’s an indoor bowls club. A most peculiar thing indeed! It wasn’t quite what I was expecting but it does mean I can bowl all year round. I had my first coaching session and proved to be a bit of a natural and then joined the other teams for a game. I’ll tell you summat for nowt, old people are insane when they get together! They’re like schoolkids in the playground as they yell at each other 25m away!

I always thought bowls was a quiet, peaceful game. Not in the South it seems. There are a number of gestures you make during play and these are supposed to be made unaccompanied by words, but that’s not the case here! Yell away!

I’ve been playing for a month now. I have my own set of bowls, shoes and other associated equipment. Last night my team was 2 points down, it was the last end and the other team had stolen our 4 wood hold with two perfectly positioned bowls. I was the last bowler and I couldn’t get my first two anywhere near. I took my last bowl, I raised my hand and I yelled “FIRE” before launching my bowl at full speed down the centre. It held its line and smashed first into the front bowl then off into the second, sending both into the ditch. This cleared the block and we scored 5 points, ending the game with a 3 point lead and the general opinion that I fucking rule!

I love it, it’s such a fun game and I’m even considering playing competitively. Didn’t see that coming!

In other news, I got a Samsung Note tablet thing through Orange which I’ve used to write this blog, including taking the picture. On Saturday I’m flying out to Washington DC for a work conference. I’m very excited about this! I’m going to try and fit in a miniature Dave Grohl history tour. See you on the flipside!

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